Here is a few laughs to start the week.

It will be a long week for me with 3 days in Sydney for work Yeha not.

Man killed on golf course

A foursome of guys is waiting at the tee while a foursome of women are teeing off.

The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. She goes over and whiffs it completely, then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, “I guess all those f––king lessons I took over the winter didn’t help much.”

One of the men immediately responds, “Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never even had a chance to duck.

This came from England . Still fits here

This morning I went to sign my Dog up for benefits.  At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw benefits”.

So I explained to her that my Dog is a mix in colour, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is.

He expects me to feed him, provide him with housing and medical care, and feel guilty because he is a dog.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My Dog gets his first cheque on Friday.

Damn this is a great country.

Why She Changed Hotels

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum....you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.

"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" .. . .

Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in
town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my ... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Burn Baby Burn