Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day.
——————————————————————

What’s the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
——————————————————————-
A man walks into a petrol station and says, ‘can I please have a Kit Kat Chunky?’
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
‘No,’ says the man, ‘I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.’
——————————————————————–

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so

she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood,

it leaves a big fu*king big red mark on her forehead.
———————————————————————-

I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
———————————————————————–

Zebu, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with

only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we’ll send you the video, it’s fu*king hilarious….
———————————————————————-

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
———————————————————————-

Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate ‘My mother-in-law is an angel’
The reply from his friend……’You’re so fu*king lucky…Mine’s still alive…’
———————————————————————–

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; ‘Fu*k off, you won’t bring it back.’
———————————————————————-

2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
‘Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!’
‘I get lots of practice’ Replied the other guy. ‘My wife’s an epileptic’
———————————————————————-