My stats I mean.
Not that I’m surprised. I’ve been more scarce than an honest politician around the traps.
It would seem not even my awards could tempt people to visit.
So, I have a Plan!!!
A small while ago, I did a post with 2 words that generated more traffic than just about anything ever has.
Nipples and orgasm.
That realisation is what led to my Plan.
I’m going to list some “interesting” words and see what happens!!!

Let’s see how many “interesting” words I can list {omitting that “C” word which I detest}
Nipples
Orgasm
Clit
Fuck
Anal
Vagina
Twat
Pussy
Fanny
Dick
Cock
Schlong
Nuts
Scallops
Goolies
Balls
Transvestite
Sex
Prostitute
Screwing
Rooting
Tits
Knockers
Hooters
Breasts
Mole
Slut
Hussey
Whore

Ok, there’s a few to be going on with.
And just in case you’re in any doubt about what would be the ultimate computer accessory for the one you love, try this

Now I’ll sit back and see what happens.
Feel free to add to my list.

In honour of the Academy Awards, quite well compered by that hot Aussie man Hugh Jackman, I’ve decided to hold my very own awards ceremony {and it’s almost as fucking long, so bring a beer/bourbon/coffee/tea/drugs}
In recent times, I’ve had some awards bestowed upon my quite embarrased self, and the time has come to pass them on to some very deserving recipients.
So without further ado, and certainly without the song and dance {cos we all know I can’t sing for shit!!} let’s get this show on the road.
I apologise in advance if I give them to those who have already received them too. Life has been mad of late so I may have missed who got what when they were given out.
The first award came from my friend over at a place that’s not nearly as “Grimm” as the name suggests.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Grimm doesn’t get nearly the amount of traffiic he deserves, so FFS, go visit and be entertained ok?
This is what the Grimm one bestowed upon me, quite to my surprise, because of all the things I consider myself, a writer is NOT one of them.

Here are the rules for the winners:
* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most deserving Bloggy Friends. <---- I could struggle here, I don't have a big blogroll, and I have more than 1 award to do!
* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
For this I’ve chosen the following people.
Jayne, who never ceases to amaze me with her way of telling us all about Australian history. She’s well worth a visit if you want to know more about this wonderful country we live in. Better than any history book you will ever read, and far more entertaining to boot! This is the only reason I forgive her for using Blogger and not Wordpress

Sarah Flanigan is another one who deserves far more traffic than she gets. I’ve been guilty of not spending nearly as much time there as I should in recent times, but when I do go, I’m never disappointed. Never.
Whislt it pains me to do this, I cannot, in all good conscience, leave Smith out of this particular award. He has a wicked way with words, and let me say, if ever you need someone verbally shredded this is your man, make no mistake! {you’re still a slacker Smith, so don’t be getting to comfortable now will you???!!!}
My next award came from the lovely Anja.

The requirements for this award are:
Copy and save the award logo then …
1. Add the logo to your blog.
2. Link to the person from whom you received this award.
3. Nominate 7 or more blogs. <---Again, I could struggle here
4. Leave a message on their blog, letting them know they are “One Lovely Blog”!
For this I’ve chosen the following.
No award ceremony here at my place would be complete without a couple of people.
Annie is one of those. She’ll make you laugh and cry all at the same time and give you some of THE most thought provoking posts you’ll ever come across. There is never a dull moment at Annie’s place, not ever
Another lovely {if somewhat slack} blog is blondie’s Just recently this poor soul has changed hosts and near driven herself mad in the process! For this alone she deserves an award for persistence, but I didn’t have one of thos I’m afraid! Quite besides all of this, when she chooses to write, she does a damned good job!
Michael is my next recipient. Whilst it may appear to be unseemly to bestow an award such as this on a man, Smoke and Mirrors is many, many things, of which lovely is just the beginning. Prepare to be amused and amazed, trust me!
Bettina is an Aussie who will amuse and, at times, bemuse you. She writes of her family and friends, her life and much more. Well worth a visit, and lovely indeed.
The last recipient of this award is Teeni. This is without a doubt, one of the sweetest people you could ever wish to come across, and this is jsutifiably reflected in her readership, comments and feed stats. The very first word that comes to mind when I think of this blogger is lovely.
My next award also came from Anja.

With no rules, the award goes to the follwing people, for the way they express themselves. Openly, and honestly.
Trisha This is one of the most out there blogs you will find anywhere. Trisha lets it all hang out and says it as she sees it, and does it bloody well to boot!
JQ is another one who lets it all hang out, makes no apologies for it, and does it with style. There’s always something happening at her place and you will never be bored, not ever.
QB has a blog that is quite lively also. She has a great way of putting what she has to say and makes me laugh and snort.
And no award ceremony here, will EVER be complete without Evyl. I know he was already given this award, but I had to give it to him again. This blogger is an absolute legend, there is no other way to put it. I’ve been reading at his place longer than I’ve been blogging. There is far more to this man than meets the eye.
I’m sure all of you are well aware of my regard for this man, and I’m pretty sure most of you feel exactly the same way. He was one of the very first people to visit my place, and will always be welcome wherever I go. I love the man to bits and freely admit it.
Last but not least is an award given to me by the Cowgal for which I thank her very much.

This award will go to the following people, and the name of the award says it all guys, so congratulations!
Kin
Mantown
Peter Parkour
So there you have it, the inaugural Ozzie Oscars are done and dusted.
Thanks must go to the people who gave me these awards in the first place.
Nothing like blog bling to make a girl smile!
:)

Generation F you ask?
We’ll get to that.

We rarely go to fast food joints.
When I say fast food, I mean the likes of chew and spew, KFC and Hungry Jacks.
Having said that, now and again my body screams at me for crap, and I’ve learned to oblige when the urge takes me.
So.
The other night the urge came over me, and off we went to get some shit food.
Chinese? Nope.
Indian? Nope.
Maybe Thai? Nope.
I needed a greasy burger, shitty fries and crappy post mix soft drink.
Nothing else would suffice.
Off we went to Hungry’s place cos it’s better than chew and spew and I can’t stomach KFC. It’s too crappy even for me!
In we go and there they are.
Generation F.
Track pants down near their knees, {grubby} Calvin Kleins hanging out the top, baseball caps back to front, greasy hair, attitude that would stop a soldier with an AK47 and mouths on them like gutters.
Every second word is fuck, or that other 4 lettered word I can’t handle.
{You know, the one that starts with C}
There’s around 8 to 10 of them I guess, mainly guys, but 1 female.
Yep. Just one.
Guess who’s mouth was the worst? No prizes for getting that one right.
Anyway.
We order, get our food and sit as far as possible from the twerps.
Did that make our dining experience any better? {well, not dining, but you know what I mean}
Hell no!
Mouths on them like a canyon and speaking {I use that term very loosely!!} at a volume that would put any rock concert to shame.
My tolerance for these kids is at an all time low.
They have an attitude that needs rearranging, and seemingly think everyone within a 2 block radius wants to know their expletive riddled opinion on everything.
From the last time they got laid to what they think is important.
When I say important, I refer to Crap music, game consoles, how good they are on said consoles, how high their last mobile bill was and the latest mouthful they gave their parents as the poor souls attempted some modicum of control over their {disappointing} offspring.
I have a question at this point {without the cracks from the peanut gallery I mean}
Am I just getting old?
Were we really THAT bad?
I know we all rebelled, had arguments with our parents and those things, but there is NO way were like this, surely?
I wasn’t game to speak like they do in public, and I still don’t.
Yes, I do on here now and then, and in fact have used that F bomb in this post, and I do at home sometimes, but there is a time and place for everything.
Call me a dinosaur if you want, but I don’t think any public place, not even a burger joint, is the place for this type of thing.
If any of my girls had spoken like that anywhere, let alone in public, their heads would still be spinning from the kick in the arse that would have ensued.
Please, noone say their parents can’t hear them when they’re not around. These kids speak TO {read AT} their parents in the same manner, so they’re well aware of what they’re like.
Going to the shopping centre has become a lesson in how NOT to speak or act in public, and is also quite the chore. It’s not something I look forward to anymore.
Everywhere you go, there they are. In packs even!!
Loud, brash, no respect for anyone or anything, speaking in a language that defies any logical interpretation and so full of themself that all I want to do is slap them on the back of the head, tell them to knock it off, and act like a human being not some uneducated neandrathal.
Perhaps they should go home where they belong, or maybe to school, because much of the time it’s the middle of they day.
What really scares me is my grandchildren will have to live in a world with leaders that come from the generation I’m referring to.
That’s one hell of a depressing thought.
Generation F?
FUCKED
I thought it appropriate I use their favourite word to describe them.

Please know this is a genralisation. It’s what I see and hear around me is the bottom line.
I know many are not like this, however it would seem the good are out weighed by about 10 to 1

Special day today.
Tis Marks’ birthday!!!
No, I will not tell you he’s 52, so don’t be asking me!!

Because it’s a work night, we’re not going out, but he has chosen a Greek restaurant for Saturday night.
Sweetheart, I hope your day is wonderful, albeit you have to work, and I can assure you, you WILL have a good night!

I pray for nothing but good things in the coming year, and that all your dreams come true.
Enjoy Wii-ing all over the lounge room ok?
I found a very special pic for you honey!!

Always remember I love you very much.
I’ve loved you from the day I laid eyes on you, and will always love you, no matter what.
You are, without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to me, and I give thanks for that every day of my life.

But wait! There’s more. We have another birthday! Bet none of you knew that either?
Some 12 months ago I had the good fortune to meet a very special young lady.
We clicked from day 1 and have become very close. We’ve met, eaten together and even had a few drinks together back in October.
She’s a wonderful person!
A slack blogger, but a wonderful person all the same.
So blondie, this is for you cos I know you’re on the look out for a new pussy, and this one comes with cake, so I thought I could kill 2 birds with the one stone!!
I promise not to tell anyone you’re 40 today ok???


For you I also wish nothing but good things, clear skies and all the best that life can offer.
Know you’re very special to me, and that I’m so glad we met honey. I cannot imagine my life without your wicked sense of humor and delicious laugh!
Have a great day!

Valentines Day.
I’m not big on it, but then I’m not a florist either, so that could have something to do with it.
Earlier in the week I asked Mark where he wanted to go for dinner next Friday cos it’s his birthday on Thursday. His response was Valentines Day is before that, so he needed to know where I wanted to go first, which surprised me, because he’s not much into it either.
{As per usual, I chose Indian in case you wanted to know}
I digress…sorry!
Albeit that I’m a little late, I went looking for some quotes that relate to love and was quite asounded when I found this site. It’s one that has nothing but love quotes.
I’m big on quotes as they more often than not say many things I struggle to put into words.
It’s not that I’m stupid, but I do have trouble saying what I mean now and then, regardless of my brutal honesty.
Sometimes it would be nice to have the ability to shred someone with flowery words you know?
I mean, if you’re going to rip someone apart, then it just seems the right thing to do.
I’ve taken the top 10 quotes from this site and posted them here in honour of Valentines Day. These quotes were chosen as the top ten by readers {apparently}
I’ve also added the link for the site itself should you choose to have a squiz. There are some wonderful, insightful quotes to be had, so do have a look.
You never know when you’ll need to tell someone you love them with flowers, and it could be nice to use one of these on the card.

10. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
~Helen Keller
9. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
~Heather Cortez
8. You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
~Sam Keen {whilst it was voted only at number 8, this is my personal favourite}
7. If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go.
~Anonymous
6. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime.
~Bette Davis
5. The best thing about me is you.
~Shannon Crown
4. Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.
~Henri Frederic Amiel
1821-1881, Swiss Philosopher, Poet, Critic
3. “When you are in Love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.”
~Dr Seuss {odd, I’ve never seen Dr Suess as one to quote about love!}
2. What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels.
~St. Augustine
354-430, Numidian-born Bishop of Hippo, Theologian
And the number one Love quote, as voted by readers {quite the disappointment i have to say}
1. There is only one happiness in life — to love and to be loved.
~George Sand
1804-1876, French Novelist

The recent bushfires here in Australia have had a profound effect on me.
The carnage has opened many doors in my head that have been closed for years. Doors that took a long time to close in the first place, and much self control to keep that way, for many reasons.
It’s something I rarely speak about at all, let alone publicly, and yet I put it on my blog?
Go figure!
The past week has seen me not sleeping well, quite restless and very emotional.
The loss of life, human and wildlife, property and just the sheer magnitude of the event have all conspired to make me feel like I’m some sort of unhinged basket case.
I sit here watching the TV with slient tears running down my cheeks, trying to make sense of why.
It’s almost too much to take in if that makes sense?
People have died, others have lost everything they own and are having to rebuild lives they’ve already spent the best part of a life time on, having to start again with literally nothing but the clothes on their backs.
So much to take in and process.
So damned hard to comprehend.
There have been some amazing stories come from this event. Tales of survival, others of heroic deeds, people helping others while their own homes burn. There are dozens of them all over the news.
As to our fire fighters, paid and volunteer, well, they just defy description.
True heroes in a world where the word hero is bandied about as if it’s some sort of trophy.
It’s people such as these that word hero was made for.
So…
As those of you who have Gmail would know, in the bar above your inbox, there is a rotating news line. It shows you sponsored links to stories all over the world. I rarely click these links, more because I have just about every news service available coming into my reader, however…
While checking my email last night, I saw this link and it took my eye because it was about the bushfires.
Within this article there is a video link which I’ve posted here for you.

I know there are probably more moving articles, or even videos, that relate to people as opposed to animals, but I’m a bit of an animal lover, and many people don’t think about the poor creatures killed or left behind in agony, to die a long, painful death. People are blogging about the human toll all over the net, so me, being me, thought I would be different.
This is a wonderful feel good story and video.
It made me smile, and also made me realise that from every natural disaster, there always comes hope, be it big or small, and that’s a good thing.
For without hope, we are lost, surely?

In my dreams
Flames surround me
Worry abounds
Helpless
Wanting to help
Knowing I can’t
My head refuses
To stop
I demand obedience
Still it ignores

Restless dreams
They drive me mad
Silence disturbs me
Noise annoys me
Lost in my thoughts
So far away

My heart aches.
My head hurts.
Not because of work, but for many reasons all the same.
I’m sitting here praying for those people currently having a very tough time, all the while knowing there is little I can do but hope and pray.
My thoughts are with those who are not as fortunate as we are. And fortunate we are, let me assure you.
Sunshine and schweetcakes I wish for you.

Devestated for those who have lost everything because of bushfires and others who have lost loved ones.
They say the final toll will be over 350 once they start searching burnt out houses.
Horrific is the word that comes to mind.

Have you ever lived through a bushfire?
I have.
It’s the most horrific thing in the world to see coming at you.
The roar of the flames is like nothing you will ever, ever forget.
The smell of the smoke stays forever in your nostrils
Pungent, burning.
Unforgettable.
You will forever hear the agonised screams of animals you’re trying to save as the flames engulf and consume them.
You will never forget the sound of burning trees falling around you as you try desperately to out run the flames all while trying to keep control of the animal under you.
An animal who can smell the burning flesh of other animals and is trying hard to get away from the flames all while you push them further into the heat in order to save others.
The sound of trees as they explode, sending missiles of searing sap flames all around you.
Threatening.
Terrifying.
And so real.

Australia is a wonderous place.
Beautiful.
Tantalising.
And deadly!
Just deadly.

Queensland is drowning in water while the southern parts burn to a cinder.
Our land of extremes.
From the sublime to the ridiculous.
My head hurts, and so does my heart.
For many reasons.

Our precious little Anja called for victims volunteers to participate in a Freudian interview.
Well, a little while back when I did an interview series she was kind enough to put her hand up, so thought it only fair to reciprocate and agreed to be tortured questioned.
Within a few hours, the questions arrived.
Anja, curse your black little heart.
For fucks sake girl, I’m sure you’re trying to kill me!!! Between huge mother arsed spiders and these things, you’re gonna be the death of me.
**shaking head**
Wait till you see these questions guys! Talk about make a person check their conscience!!
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
As always, I’ve been nothing less than honest, and everything is out there, warts included, for all and sundry to see.
So, let’s see about the rules first shall we?

The rules for anyone else who wants to be interviewed:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (you don’t have to be interviewed if you want to comment)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Now for the poisonous gems delights Anja chose to torment me with ask me .

#1. You have the ability to end all world hunger; there will be peace amongst men, but you have to do one thing – live celibate for the rest of your life. Would you do it?
Give up sex? For world peace and the end to all hunger?
Not on your fucking life! If it was a case of saving one of my children/grandchildren, my husband or someone who meant much to me, absolutely. For anyone else? Not a snowballs hope in hell.
I am an admitted tart and intend to stay that way for the rest of my days.

#2.You’re in a supermarket and your trolley puts a tiny scrape in the paintwork of the 200k Mercedes next to you. Do you leave your details?
I would leave a note, yes, but not the type you mean. What it would say is “Anyone watching knows I scraped your car and are most impressed because they think I’m leaving my details, but I’m not, this is just for show”

#3. You have a sibling you really hate and you have damn good reason to hate this person. They need a kidney transplant and you’re a perfect match. Do they get the kidney?
Well it’s strange you should ask this because I actually have a sibling I wouldn’t have pissed on if they were on fire, and didn’t speak one word to for over 20 years.
These days all is forgiven, but certainly not forgotten. Of the 5 questions I was given this was the hardest to answer and I really had to dig deep for the answer, which is yes, I would, but not for her. For her children, and my father. Not one other reason could I come up with for saying yes.
I’m a great believer in karma and I would see such things being visited upon her as karma for what she did to me and mine.

#4. You’re a little tipsy at the office Christmas party and you indulge in a spot of “hide the eraser” behind the photocopy machine with a married guy. Do you tell your partner?
I’ll admit the chances of this happening are very slim, but perchance it did, yes, I’d tell him.
Any relationship should be based on honesty, good or bad. If honesty is not in residence the relationship is doomed.
Having said that, I would question the depth of the relationship, and my commitment to it if I was even tempted to cheat, regardless of whether I was tipsy or not.

#5. If you had your time over again, would you be with the ’sperm donors’ of your children? Or would you forgo that misery and not have your children?
Absolutlely I would do it again.
NOT have my children? Good grief, I simply cannot imagine that. It defies any imagination I have.
All 3 of my girls are from my first marriage and have the same father. Again, absolutley I would choose the same person, regardless of the fact that the union failed. Despite our differences and the reasons we divorced, I could not have asked for a better father for my children.
Besides, if they had a different father, they wouldn’t be who they are, they would be different people. I love them all just the way they are.

I have a WHOLE weekend off this week…YAY!!!!
Not too sure what I’ll do with 2 days, but I’m sure to think of something.
Mark has said he’s taking me out for dinner tonight, so I guess that’s a good start.
No more about work other than to say after Thursday {my Thursday that is} there should be some semblance of normality in my life. When I say normality, I mean regular hours instead of the absolute craziness that has been my life for nearly 6 weeks.
I will NOT miss the 65 – 70 hours weeks let me assure you!!
As you probably gathered from the pic, it’s still raining. I’m seriously considering asking the boss for flippers and a snorkel just to get to work.
Shit it’s wet!
Having said that, here in Townsville we’re not nearly as badly affected as Ingham, and whilst I have no love for the town involved {it’s a hole!!} my heart does go out to the residents who will spend hours cleaning mud from everything and then get pounded with more rain in the next week to 10 days, because that’s what we’re facing apparently. Another week to 10 days of solid rain.
Oh joy oh bliss!!!
Once life is normal I’m kind of hoping I’ll get the chance to post more than once a week because I won’t be coming in and collapsing on the chair.
Yes, it’s been a week since I posted.
I cannot believe I’m the same person who was posting once a day less than 6 weeks ago. How things change in such a short time.
If I didn’t already know, my stats tell me how little I’ve been posting anyway.
We all know what happens when we don’t post, yes? You flat line before someone can say blogslacker.
Besides that, I’ve managed little visiting other than a few quickies here and there, so that will change too.
I’ll be back to crawling all over your blogs before you know it.
Hopefully by the end of the weekend I’ll have visited you all and done another post tomorrow.
NFI what the post will be about as yet, but something will come to mind.
Probably extolling the virtues of having partially webbed toes if this freaking rain doesn’t give up!!
Yes, you read right. I have toes that are webbed between my big toe and the one next to it.
There are lots of little things people don’t know about the person behind the keyboard.
Webbed toes are but one of my little things people don’t know.
Now that I think about it, I have a challenge for you all.
Be brave!!!!
Tell us all just one little thing about yourself that we don’t know.
Just one! That’s all. We don’t really want to know all your secrets {well, maybe we do, however that’s another post for another day} but the odd one now and then can’t hurt surely?
I hope your weekend treats you well, that it’s relaxing and full of family, fun and really good sex!!
Nothing better for the soul than really good sex I always say!!
Catch you all around the traps at some point today….