Why Exercise Frightens me!!

What do these women think is going to happen

to all this extra body when

they stop weight training??

Remind me to NEVER exercise again!

That’s my story and I am sticking to it!!!

and for the real sicko’s here is a photo of Granny scaring the kids.

Burn Baby Burn

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Have you ever wondered if the notes in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack?
If not, you’re wondering now.   Have a nice day …

So folks, always remember to wash your hands after handling money

That’s today’s public service announcement. Thank you very much!

Today I am watching Australia’s V8 Supercar’s  Racing around Surfers Paradise street circuit. The one Indy cars use to race on up to last year so I though this was appropriate.

These are David Letterman’s 10 top reasons why there are no black drivers in the American NASCAR series. It is also why there are none in the Australian V8 Supercar series as well.

The Reasons

10: You have to sit upright to drive a race car.

9: There is no passenger seat for the Ho.

8: The engine noise drowns out the rap music.

7: Cadillacs are not approved  race cars.

6: The pit crew cannot work on the race car and hold their pants at the same time.

5: Police cars on the race track at the same time interfere with the race.

4: Your pistol will not stay under the front seat.

3: They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

2: When they crash their cars they bail out and run.

And the number one reason there are no blacks driving in NASCAR or V8 Supercars!

1: You are not allowed to wear your helmet sideways.

I know “Racist” but we are all RED in Hell!

Burn Baby Burn

Have been a slack arse but I am now back.
With prompting from ~m I will endeavor to do more.
Here are a few real books for the kiddies.

He is angry, Isn’t he?

Or perhaps,

Top left!

Now that isn’t nice, Funny but not nice.

Bad James.

And my favorite!

Or was it this one?

I”m not sure!

Evey Fathers nightmare.

or

I think the last one!

Or this one, a bit like Thomas i think.

See you all on the bus, and Yes that’s me driving.

Now I suffer from heartburn, and its not from what i write but from what I eat.

Come to think of it, it might be you know who preparing me for down below,

giving me a taste of that warm hot feeling.

Now that’s a thought that will fester.

I take Bi Carb in water and presto! It’s all gone.

I don’t think i will be trying Gaviscon any time soon.

Come to think of it,(What a terrible play on words) I will never try it full stop.

Burn baby burn

I had need to go to the supermarket on the way home tonight, and whilst I was there, I had some odd thoughts occur to me, and they have been running rampant through my head ever since.
So rampant in fact, they may keep me awake.
Sad, I know, but it was the supermarket and if I don’t zone out, the knob jockeys people in there drive me insane with their inane conversations/musings about the merits of what Fido should eat this week, or how the generic tomato sauce they have in their hand will compare to one of the brand names still on the shelf.
You know, the vitally important stuff!

Anyhow, here are just a few little snippets of what happens in my head when I have need to zone out.

Where do flies go at night?
I wonder what sort of toilet paper the queen uses?
Was Rock Hudson a pillow biter or did he prefer to lift shirts?
Who woke up one morning and thought to make those little plastic doofeys that turn into rice crackers and pappdums?
What possesses a person to be a plumber {they paddle in shit for a living} or a shearer {you have to wonder about someone who chooses to work with their head below their arse FFS}
Why can’t someone invent a fucking bra that doesn’t leave me feeling like I’m in prison?

I shit you not, these were some of the things that occured to me.

Surely I’m not the only one who has these bizarre little sessions in my head?
Don’t leave me out here on my own people…please!

FYI, the pic has nothing to do with the post, it was merely one I felt fitting for the whole random thoughts thing.

This is a post I did some 2 1/2 years ago, before people knew I existed, and when Kelly and Zoe were living with us.
These days I have readers with not only intelligence, but they are also raising children in a world that has, at times, seemingly gone mad.
I would be most interested to have their opnions on this.

In recent weeks Zoe has made quite a few references to my age. It doesn’t perturb me, nor does it upset me as I believe age is a state of mind as opposed to a condition or an appearance, it’s just a number.
I accept that she sees anyone over the age of 16 as old, which seems to be the case with most children.
Until such time as they reach it that is!
Now I generally laugh and make light of it when she makes these comments, as do Kelly and Mark, however it has given me food for thought on how children view not only adults, but life and the world in general.
Children have a simplistic view of most things, which to be honest, I envy .
They know nothing of fear, intolerance, bigotry, hate, war, terrorism, politics, responsibility, political correctness, pedophiles, rape, murder, violence, prisons, disease, abject poverty, bullying or indeed anything that seems to ail the world or mankind.
When they’re young they see life as one big adventure full of food, love, cuddles and fun because they have Mum, Dad, Nanny, Poppy and anyone else they come into contact with to make it this way.
Their every need is provided as a matter of course and they learn this very quickly.
They cry and someone attends to them with whatever they require.
When they can, they speak without NEEDING to think, because they’re unaware that there can be a price to pay, or ramifications for saying the “wrong” thing. They give an opinion as they see it, WHEN they see it, with a logic and wisdom that at times defy their tender years.
As a parent, to see this innocence is wonderful, and at times moving.
Sadly, there is a responsibility that dictates we cloud their rosy existence, teach them as best we can about the unpleasant realities of life, and systematically take that innocence away.
To NOT do so is, at best, irresponsible, when you consider some of the harm that can befall them in their time on this earth.
The difficult part is being able to educate them in regard to the things they NEED to know, and still have them grow to be responsible, caring adults, and, in time, parents themselves.
It’s a fine line, because here a but few examples of the facts we need to explain to our children.
There are people in the world who WANT to hurt them. This alone is difficult, even without having to explain WHY.
There are people who don’t love them as they have always been loved by those in and around their family.
They ask us to explain why some of the kids at school call others fat, stupid or lazy when noone has ever called them these things.
Why countless lives have been lost because people with different beliefs cannot agree to disagree, nor can they live and let live, and that they feel it necessary to shoot at each other in order to make their point.
Why there are those who believe anyone with a skin colour different to their own, is any less of a human being, and because of this, we now can’t call someone black, when in fact they are.
Why there are people in the world who felt, and acted on, a need to commit the mass murder of almost 2000 innocents who were doing nothing more than going about their day to day lives. The one heinous “crime” these victims perpetrated was to be in a country that fosters freedom and a better way of life for any who choose to live there.
Why noone is held responsible for their own actions, and it’s always someone elses fault, when the child themself has always been taught to tell the truth and face the consequences of their actions because it’s the right thing to do.
These are just a drop in the ocean of harsh realities that children need to know in this day and age.
I enjoy being a mother and grandmother more than anything else.
I loved seeing the wide eyed innocence on my childrens faces BEFORE I had the need to slowly take away their childhood, and I love the way Zoe and the others tell it the way it is.
“Nanny you’re getting old!” Simple.
I will always struggle with the fact that parents are forced to teach their children the meaning of words like fear, terrorism, bigotry and pedophilia, just to help them survive.
Saddest of all is I have to watch MY children, teach THEIR children, and if needs be, help them do it.
I appreciate that children need to grow up, and I’m not suggesting we wrap them in cotton wool in order to keep them as children forever, I merely question how early people think it’s necessary for them to start this education process. These days it seems they’re taught earlier then ever that the world appears to have lost the plot and is going to hell on a bus.
Children see the world, adults and life in black and white, without major difficulties.
It’s adults that invent the grey and create the complications.

My stats I mean.
Not that I’m surprised. I’ve been more scarce than an honest politician around the traps.
It would seem not even my awards could tempt people to visit.
So, I have a Plan!!!
A small while ago, I did a post with 2 words that generated more traffic than just about anything ever has.
Nipples and orgasm.
That realisation is what led to my Plan.
I’m going to list some “interesting” words and see what happens!!!

Let’s see how many “interesting” words I can list {omitting that “C” word which I detest}
Nipples
Orgasm
Clit
Fuck
Anal
Vagina
Twat
Pussy
Fanny
Dick
Cock
Schlong
Nuts
Scallops
Goolies
Balls
Transvestite
Sex
Prostitute
Screwing
Rooting
Tits
Knockers
Hooters
Breasts
Mole
Slut
Hussey
Whore

Ok, there’s a few to be going on with.
And just in case you’re in any doubt about what would be the ultimate computer accessory for the one you love, try this

Now I’ll sit back and see what happens.
Feel free to add to my list.

Why is it that when I sneeze, you could hang Christmas ornaments on my nipples???
I thought a sneeze was like an orgasm for the nose, not the boobs!!!
Anyone???