These little gems are to determine how Gay you are so pay attention.

If you could see any of the things that the captions were saying I am sorry but,

As for me, I am still trying to see the bloody apple.

Burn Baby Burn

Well it’s Monday again.

This Monday I have a old but Typical Joke to get you smiling.

Young Johnny is a product of the late sixties or early seventies.

He shows the honesty and enterprise of a generation that was not politically correct.

That is why I love his jokes so much.

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning..

They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something,

then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off:
“I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly,

“My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained
to  everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”     ”Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk.
“$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher,

“What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes,” echoed the teacher,

“How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny,
“I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a sample.

They all said the same thing,
“Hey, this tastes like shit!”

Then I would say,

“It is shit.  Wanna buy a toothbrush?

Now that is one smart enterprising young man,

He would be on the bus but I recon he is about two or three buses ahead of us.

Who knows what he is doing today,

But i would guess he is in jail somewhere.

Why you ask?

Because of Political correctness.

I bet  the shit wasn’t white, or had the Heart foundation Tick,

Didn’t have a Label of ingredients or other bullshit like calorie counts.

Enough said.

Go over and see my mates ~m and Morky for some more laughs

Burn Baby Burn

UPDATE

I found a photo of Johnny not taken to long ago.

He is now married and enjoys going to fancy dress parties with his wife and best mate,

Although his humour has matured Johnny is still miles down the burnway ahead of us.

Just in case you don’t recognize him ,he is on the far left.

Burn Baby Burn

In my dreams
Flames surround me
Worry abounds
Helpless
Wanting to help
Knowing I can’t
My head refuses
To stop
I demand obedience
Still it ignores

Restless dreams
They drive me mad
Silence disturbs me
Noise annoys me
Lost in my thoughts
So far away

This has been my week since Tuesday morning.

Up at 5.30
At my desk by 7.00
Stop at around 11.30, have a smoke and {my 5th} coffee
2.30 and my stomach reminds me insistently{read loudly} that woman cannot live on caffeine and learning only.
I eat…anything…so long as it’s ready to inhale {today it was cheezels!} washed down with {more} caffeine
Around the 6.30 point, the little receptors in my head remind me it’s been a while since they were fed nicotine, so a quick smoke is the go
8.30, maybe 8.45 I’m done!
Time to drag my sorry arse go home.
It’s currently 10.30 here, I’ve just finished swallowing a bowl of soup while I’m doing this, I’ll visit a few people, and it will be time for bed before 11.30 because then it’s only 6 hours till the alarm goes off again.
Mark asked me tonight if he could take a pic of me with his phone so he could take a quick look now and then to remind him what I look like! {with a smile on his face i’ll add}
Yeah. Life is crazy, and you know what?
I love it!

There are 2 speeds in life.
Stop and go.
I live life at a frantic pace.
I’m on the go from the minute my eyes open until I go to bed, and even then I have trouble dropping off to sleep because my mind refuses to stop.
This week has slowed me down a little, but not a lot.
I’ve been tired because work has been extra busy, with much to be done and learned, but it’s a satisfying tiredness is that makes sense?
I feel as if I’ve achieved something and can look back on it with a smile.
To me that’s the object of the excercise. To be able to feel as if i’ve done something worthwhile.
Someone commented today, that my energy exhausts them, which I took as a compliment and told them just that.
The person concerned thought I was a bit if a nutter, but that’s their problem not mine.
On any given night, you’ll generally find me here, on the internet.
Reading, trawling, stumbling, chatting, 16 maybe 17 browsers open looking for who knows what, but here all the same, and I always know what I wanted once I find it.
I may not have known that’s what I was looking for, but I always know once I find it, and that’s what counts.
This activity on the net is after work, dinner, going out, whatever it is the day has provided.
I’ll admit to not a lot of commenting this week, for which I’m hoping you’ll forgive me, but it’s difficult to think of something intelligent or witty to say after a day that started at 5.30, saw me at my desk at 7.00 and eating dinner at 9.00 after walking in the door 5 minutes earlier, with a total of 20 mins in breaks all day.
I’m always, ALWAYS, “jonesing” for something to do with blogging or blogs.
Jonesing is a new addition to my vocabulary. It’s an expression someone used in relation to my liking for setting up new blogs some time ago, and I love it, so these days I’m always jonesing..apparently!

Is this not what life is for?
Doing the things that make you smile, be it work, or blogging, or trawling, or even “jonesing”?
If and when someone can give me a reason that I should slow down {other than the obvious age bullshit} then I may, just MAY, consider it.
We moved to Townsville for a lifestyle change. A step back from the responsibility of being a national or state manager, even just a branch manager, with a multitude of staff below looking for direction.
It didn’t work.
It wasn’t enough.
Guess where we both are again?
Yep, bosses. Managers. Responsibility is back in the vocabulary, being called sir and ma’am is back, as is the pace involved with all of the above.
I knew, within 12 months of being here, I wanted to go back into management. Mark took a little longer, but I knew all the same.
I love the challenge, the pace. I love everything about it.
I bounce out of bed every morning with a mind full of plans, and smile on my face.
Life is for living and doing the things able to give you that deep seated, satisfying feeling in the centre of your heart and mind.
As tired as I am, this week has given me exactly the feelings I describe.
And I couldn’t be happier about it.
You’re a bloody long time dead.
That’s when I’ll sleep.

When we had family here in September, there was need for a portacot given we had 2 littlies in the house.
Anyhow, Mel bought hers in, Tasha set it up and all was well.
It was set up in the spare room where it was needed, and this is a room we don’t use on a daily basis, so there was no hurry to fold it down and put it back in it’s carry bag.
Enter a friend returning from W.A after being there for 2 years. He needs somewhere to stay, and of course, being friends, were the first to offer somewhere to put his head until he got himself sorted.
Here for a week to 10 days, then off down south for Christmas, and he returned on Friday night.
Let’s set the scene here. Stay with me ok?
Mark is a very intelligent person, of that there is no doubt. He’s a sparky by trade, can turn his hand to anything that needs fixng, well educated, sharp as tack. Been a manager for years. I’m sure you get the picture?
Our friend, also named Mark is equally as intelligent. This man is a senior shot firer for the mines. In short, he blows shit up! Works with explosives, can calculate complicated formulas to bring down whatever needs to come down, and do it very efficiently, all in a well organised, systematic way.
2 very intelligent men yes?
This morning we decided TOM {the other Mark} should have maximum use of his room so he can set up his computer on the desk and make the bedroom his own private space.
Enter one portacot that needs folding down and storing.
I shit you not, I have never seen such a performance in my life!
Here we have 2 of THE most intelligent men I’ve ever had the good fortune to encounter, and this porta cot had them flumoxxed. 100% flumoxxed!
They had NFI what needed to be done, how to do it or even where to start.
First they stood and looked at it for all of 30 secs, discussed how to go about the task, then decided to apply male logic to it.
“No worries! She’ll be right mate! We can do this! We’re smart guys right??”
Now, I’ve heard people refer to male logic as an urban myth.
After this morning, I believe them wholeheartedly!!
Of course it stands to reason that these 2 KNEW how to do it {according to them that’s just logical!!}
I should have gotten photos, I know, you don’t need to say anything.
I merely stood there with a stunned expression on my face while watching 2 grown men fight, literally fight, with this damned thing.
They turned it upside down, around about 3 times, stood back, looked some more, turned it upside down again {because of course, so much would have changed since the LAST time they turned it upside down – all of 40 secs earlier!!} and STILL it stood ready to be used.

:roll:
I ask you a couple of questions at this point.
How long to get this damned thing folded down?
Answer: 20 mins!!
How many times did I offer to ring Mel and see if she could swing by and do it for them?
Answer: at least 5 times!!
How many times did I get asked, do you know how to do this?
Answer: the same amount of times I answered in the negative…8!!
All this while turning it upside down, around and almost inside out in an attempt to make it comply!!
Needless to say, by the time they worked it out, I was almost hysterical with laughter at the confused, why the fuck can we not work this out look they had on their faces.
All this confusion was not helped by the comments from the peanut gallery {MOI!!}
“2 grown, intelligent, I can fix anything men, being fucked over by a portacot!!”
“Do you know how funny this is guys? Watching the 2 of you turn redder in the face by the second in pure frustration at NOT being able to do it??”
“I can ring Mel and ask if you want??”
“You know Mel and Tash can put these things up AND down with their eyes closed right???”
I think it was the last one that made them more determined than anything.
I mean hell! There’s no way 1 man could possibly admit women are better at some things than men, let alone 2 now is there????
Not too sure about you, but my weekend has been full of laughter, and the week to come will be spattered with the odd crack about portacots now and then!!
It’s gonna be a hoot!!

Now don’t you other boys be feeling sorry for them cos I’m making fun of it either! They had numerous offers to get it done properly and they refused them because it’s logical isn’t it???

Annie did this meme.
Now, ordinarily I’m not into memes, but after a couple of happenings last year, one of my girls made a comment about them not really knowing me as a person as opposed to their mother, so when I spotted this I thought it was a good opportunity to perhaps get a little of me out there.
Now, when I say “me” I mean “me”. Not Anonymum, Moe, nothing but Maureen.
{that being said, the daughter in question had best be commenting!!}
That you guys get to learn a little as well is good too. But don’t be getting too used to the human side of me. I do have an image to uphold you know!

Having said that, if there is anything else you want to know, you have but to ask. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll say so.
Righto, let’s get this show on the road shall we?
1. Were you named after anyone? Yes, my mothers youngest sister. Maureen is her middle name.
2. When was the last time you cried? Christmas day. For all the right reasons
3. What is your favourite lunch meat? Cold meat loaf
4. Do you have kids? Yes, 5 girls, and feel sorry for me here. Imagine that melting pot of hormones should they all be in the one place at the one time!! That’s some scary shit let me say!!
5. If you were another person would you be friends with you? Absolutely. I’m not easy to befriend, but once you have I’m loyal to a fault, no matter what
6. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Well duh!!! Not only am I female, I’m Australian!
7. Do you still have your tonsils? No, and nor do I have my appendix either, just fyi
8. Would you bungee jump? When hell freezes over and even then it would be doubtful
9. What is your favourite cereal? I don’t eat a lot of cereal, but if I had to choose it would be porridge with honey
10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Always
11. Do you think you are strong God yes! I’ve had to be, for most of my adult life. I’m the one they all turn to for strength when things turn to shit. Becomes quite wearing after a while, but we do what we must
12. What is your favourite ice cream? Other than vanilla with raspberries? Old English toffee
13. What is the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes
14. Red or pink? Red
15. What is the least favourite thing about yourself? My skin. I have THE worst skin in the world
16. Who do you miss the most? This was hard, so I refuse to choose. My Grandad and my Mum, not neccesarily in that order.
17. What colour shoes are you wearing? Currently barefooted
18. What was the last thing you ate? Beef rendang
19. What are you listening to right now? Fox sports
20. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? A mixture of them all. Anything other than a colour that is even the tiniest bit like fucking beige!!!!
21. Favourite smells? Fresh cut grass, rain, jasmine, puppies breath, Mark and Angel {the only perfume I ever wear}
22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Melissa
23. Favourite sports to watch? Anything other than synchronised drowning and curling {wtf is with THAT??}
24. Hair colour? Mid brown naturally, but normally with red and blonde streaks
25. Eye colour? Green with brown flecks
26. Do you wear contacts? No
27. Favourite food? Anything hot and spicy
28. Scary movies or happy endings Happy endings. The concept of willingly having the bejesus scared out of you eludes me
29. Last movie you watched? True Lies
30. What colour shirt are you wearing Khaki {my favourite of them all}
31. Summer or winter? Summer
32. Hugs or kisses? Both
33. Favourite desserts? Not a big sweet tooth, but I can’t resist pavlova at any time of the day or night
34. I’m most likely to..Give away my last 5c to someone who needs it
35. I’m least likely to..Suffer fools in any way, shape or form
36.What book are you reading now? Eragon and Cross Country {James Patterson}
37. What is on your mouse pad? I don’t have one. I use the pad on my laptop
38. What did you watch on television last night? Volcano and True Lies
39.Favourite sounds Rain on a tin roof, the ocean crashing against the shore or rocks, the laughter of my family and friends, children playing
40. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Beatles. Can’t stomach Mick Jagger and the post {zip} code meant to be his lips!
41. What is the furtherest you’ve been from home? Perth, W.A {soon to change though!!}
42. Do you have a special talent I “see” things, with startlingly accurate results. Quite scary at times.
43. Where were you born? Yallourn, Victoria. Now an open cut mine by the way