Archive for the ‘ Humor ’ Category

Office Dares

Here are a few items to have fun with at work.

I like one point number 7

Three point numbers 4 and 5

and 5 point dares 1, 5, 8, 10 and 13.

Must remember to start doing these.

As for the rest of you on the bus!

Go on I dare you to just do one.

One Point Dares
1.
Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
2.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
4.
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5.
While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
6.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
7.
Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
8.
Don’t use any punctuation.
9.
Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
Three Point Dares
1.
Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4.
Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.
5.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.
Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, “dagnamit, it’s happened again!”. Then do it again.
7.
Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”. Then wink and pout.
8.
Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any p*rnography web sites.
Five Point Dares
1.      At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2.      Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3.      For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
4.      Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
5.      When you’ve picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ‘’she can abort it for all I care”.
6.      After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
7.      In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
8.      At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
9.      Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
10.     Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
11.     During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
12.     As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13.     Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
14.     Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, “I’ll see you tonight”.

Now go and have some fun at somebody else expense.

You might get a few laughs even if your the only one laughing!


Burn Baby Burn


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What Tiger should of said!

Here at the burnway we look at things differently.

Good old Tiger took a pasting and yes he is trying to squirm out of it with a load of bull shit.

Here is what he should of said at his press conference and thumbed his nose at everyone giving him  grief.

He might of kept more sponsors that way.

To my wife, I’m sorry. I fucked up but I’m not changing so you’ll either need to put up with this shit or I’ll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup….sorry.

To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my dick is none of your business. If you care….sorry. I don’t need any of you in order to make 10 times in one year what you’ll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10′ of the hole and drop puts that you couldn’t read in a million years. If that’s not good enough for you, go watch tennis.

To the media. You cocksuckers are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my ass for all those years and then ripping me every chance you’ve had since Thanksgiving. Fuck all ya’ll. I’m glad I don’t have to take the time to sit and answer the same bullshit questions over and over again.

To the other golfers. Kiss my cablanasian ass! You motherfuckers come out ripping me when I’ve put more fucking money in your pockets than you could count. You think anyone’s been paying to see Jesper-fucking-Parnavik? Give me a fucking break. I’m almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys but I think it’s going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.

That’s all I got today folks…..see ya at Augusta !….Oh and Bambi, if you’re listening I’ll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.

I Know, but at least he kept the spot light of Greg Norman.

Burn Baby Burn

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Malarky Monday

Monday again.

Lets see who i can make laugh or cry today.

First joke is a goodie.

Muslim at The Pearly Gates

A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.


Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.


“Are you Mohammed?” he asks.

“No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.”

And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter,

he climbs the ladder in great strides,

climbs through the clouds coming to a room
where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”

“No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.”

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy.

he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again,

he discovers an even larger room

where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, “Are you Mohmamed?”

“No, I am Jesus…You will find Mohammed higher up.”

Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs

and climbs, ever higher.. Once again, he reaches a larger room
where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:

“Are you Mohammed?” he gasps, as he is, by now,

totally out of breath from all his climbing.

“No, my son….I am God. But you look exhausted.

Would you like a coffee?”


“Yes, please, my Lord.”

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:

“Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!”

Now that I got that one out of the way try this on a sweet fairytale.

World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, ‘Will you
marry me?’  The girl said, ‘NO!’

And
the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and
hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in
the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he
wanted.

THE
END

And a little picture from an Australian Real Estate site.

Must be something that they brought back from Europe?

Now go and have a laugh at ~m, Moe and Dilligaf.

Burn Baby Burn

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More of Postman Pat and Friends

I have been asked for more of Postman Pat and Thomas the Tank Engine and friends so do not blame me for what will follow. :devil:

I didn’t know that farmer was a gay fucker. Poor Pat.

Remember Ernest? Well he’s back too with a new friend Gail.

Gee Gail seems like a nice girl. Somehow i think Steve is going to get into more trouble.

Yes I was right poor old Steve just can not help himself

Burn Baby Burn

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Malarky Monday

Lets have some fun today!

I think I will just look through my vast range of Blogg Fodder which I find or get sent to me.

Here Goes.

First up lets look at the fairer sex!

Ain’t that the TRUTH? :devil:

Now that’s just nasty.

But you only look with your eyes?????????????????????

Ok a few for the boys?

Ha Ha Ha Ha! No? I thought it was funny :lol:

Yeah right.

Not real smart that lot!

Now that’s funny even if the guy is a fibber.

Lets look at religion!

Dumb Cat. Dogs can’t read!

Speaking of Pussy, here is a few modest ones.

Here is why some people should be neutered.

I smoke but that is just wrong.

And the number ONE Moron.

Enough of that I will leave you with a new Chinese Product.

I don’t know if Women or Men will be more interested in it?

You be the judge.




Please, please click the photo to enlarge and read the print.

It is so funny. Trust me Do it. Do it. You know you want to.

Do not die wondering now. Just do it.

Now hop over to ~m, Moe and Dilligaf for more fun.


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Why Exercise Frightens me!!

Why Exercise Frightens me!!

What do these women think is going to happen


to all this extra body when


they stop weight training??



Remind me to NEVER exercise again!



That’s my story and I am sticking to it!!!

and for the real sicko’s here is a photo of Granny scaring the kids.


Burn Baby Burn


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More Kids

Remember those idiots from Monday?

Well here are a few more to terrorize parent’s.

Enjoy!!!!!!

image015

Love his belly tat. Imagine a daughter bringing home this?

image005

image012

image0121

image017

image003

and the very last one

image009

Now for all the Dads, how to make sure your children do not date or do this to themselves!

Do you want to know  how???????????????????????????????????

OK.

The very first time they come home or bring someone home with piercings.

1. Get insulated pliers

2. Put right foot on said persons throat.

3. Hold on to offending jewelry with said pliers.

4. Pull like bloody hell.

Just hope the Judge has kids as well and your home free.

Burn Baby Burn

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Public service announcement

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Have you ever wondered if the notes in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack?
If not, you’re wondering now.   Have a nice day …

image001

So folks, always remember to wash your hands after handling money

That’s today’s public service announcement. Thank you very much!

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Straight Man Test.

These little gems are to determine how Gay you are so pay attention.

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poster67899821

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20758g6

poster1214520

poster77142205

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poster4864298

If you could see any of the things that the captions were saying I am sorry but,

Friendly Reminder

As for me, I am still trying to see the bloody apple.

Burn Baby Burn

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Race Car Drivers

Today I am watching Australia’s V8 Supercar’s  Racing around Surfers Paradise street circuit. The one Indy cars use to race on up to last year so I though this was appropriate.

These are David Letterman’s 10 top reasons why there are no black drivers in the American NASCAR series. It is also why there are none in the Australian V8 Supercar series as well.

The Reasons

10: You have to sit upright to drive a race car.

9: There is no passenger seat for the Ho.

8: The engine noise drowns out the rap music.

7: Cadillacs are not approved  race cars.

6: The pit crew cannot work on the race car and hold their pants at the same time.

5: Police cars on the race track at the same time interfere with the race.

4: Your pistol will not stay under the front seat.

3: They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

2: When they crash their cars they bail out and run.

And the number one reason there are no blacks driving in NASCAR or V8 Supercars!

1: You are not allowed to wear your helmet sideways.

I know “Racist” but we are all RED in Hell!

Burn Baby Burn

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